( Honestly, she's hard to disappoint, she thinks. Hard to to do worse than what's already been done to her. Not that Shin could possibly know that, even if he can read the reactions he's pulled out of her so far. Because knowing what happened means knowing what her world has created.
Knowing why she can see those powers he sparks to life, memories and feelings flickering between the two of them which she only half watches. More than anything, her eyes follow Shin. His reactions. Every twitch of expression, the lighting and dimming of his powers.
And then there's that comment, and Kate deflates. Because, oh man. They've had so much come up about their fucked up sex lives (she won't call it love, because that's never what it was for her) that they haven't even touched that part of the mess. Its own can of worms. But those friends never talked about anything close to this. It was never anything but the drinks, the drugs. The idle chatter and gossip about school things that never really let them know each other.
And then she betrayed all of them, or so their side of the argument went. Why'd you stop hanging out with us? Is the whore too good for us? Slag. Those words still come up, were whispered in the blood rain, pulling her back to fights in the hall and teachers shouting after her as she leaves the building.
She draws in a breath, and lets them fade into the same meaningless din they were back in the rain, before reaching out and...
Lightly slapping Shin's shoulder. )
What were it you said earlier? You chose t' do shit?
( The actual quotes don't work well in this context, but the sentiment does. )
I'm choosin' to do this.
( Maybe it's a particularly intense show of faith, given how short a time they've known each other, but it doesn't feel wrong. She's stupid, but she doesn't think she's being stupid here.
Besides, if she is, what's one more heartbreak? One more thing lost in her life? )
(full circle. she asked him before, and it's true, none of his choices he regrets. from leaving the greenery of sweden to trading it to the concrete jungle of japan, from living under ryoko, who he cannot hate, to be devoted reira, whose fondness to him was a diversion to her, but nevertheless, real.
he elected all of these, even if some of them were atrocious choices, it's not like he can just go back and re-do them, and he wouldn't. he shouldn't even dream to take katherine's choice from her, but then again - at least now she knows the level of fuck-up he is.
( A simple, and true, statement. It could have been so easy to tell him to just go, to board up the pieces of her heart peeking through the wall and simply pretend they never so much as spoke.
Sue her, she actually enjoys spending time with his cute ass.
But this night has been a long one, and as much as Kate does enjoy the fresh air and the world above the city, something has broken in the air like heat giving way to summer rains and shelter seems a better option. )
'M goin' back. ( A shrug as she steps past him, heading to the door. ) Y'can crash if you want.
( Or stay up here, or head home. She's made her choice here, and now Shin can make his. )
(he needs some time to think, so he doesn't follow her. his fingers scroll through his contacts on his phone, but there's really no one else he can go for comfort other than kate herself. strange, isn't it? to be free and not have his person to call when he wants to hear gentle words, even if they're unrelated.
eventually, he makes his way to her place. he's silent as he strips his leather jacket, his belts, his choker, bracelets, the chain that connects his lip to his ear... it'll take a while, here.)
( She doesn't know what she expects, but she leaves the door unlocked anyway as she returns to her tiny little starter apartment. Pulls her hair loose, tosses the hoodie over the armrest of her couch and pulls a flask of water from the fridge.
And the door clicks open. Her gaze slips over, watching from her perch on the counter as Shin starts doing away with a billion and five layers. )
(nothing to do with expectations, he's really just trying to get comfortable if he's going to spend the night here. the only accessory that remains is his lighter, and now kate knows partly why he hardly ever takes it off. eventually, it's just him - a tank top that shows just how thin he is, jeans, and the necklace, and he comes close to her.
a kiss to her temple, wordless gratitude as he snakes an arm around her to bring her close.)
( It's still a lot of layers, dude. The sacrifices one's skinny ass makes for ~fashion~.
His arm finds her waist as his lips find the side of her head, and this time there's only a momentary pause before she sinks in towards him, one hand coming to rest on his shoulder while the other offers the flask. )
Water?
( To be fair, there's alcohol in the fridge too, but sometimes actual hydration can be nice. )
(sorry, his skinny ass is difficult, but he likes that she's found a little nest on him, a hand coming to gently run on the strands of hair, another kiss pressed to the top of her head.)
( With how she's sitting on the edge of the counter, her legs dangle either side of his, calves brushing against him as they swing idly, fingertip tracing across the curve of his shoulder, aimlessly following lines of bone.
It's strange, to touch someone purely for the sake of touching them, she thinks. There's no real intention behind her actions but the fact that Shin seems to enjoy the affection, and it's better than getting into another argument. )
(her mission is facilitated by the fact that there's no meat in his bones, not really. as she spends more time with him, she'll see that meals, like they had today, are rare, almost treats while he attempts his very best to not grow.
she might notice his kisses lack a hunger, they're solely affection rather than lust, his fingernails scratching her scalp in random motions.)
( He really is a skinny thing, isn't he? It doesn't bother her, but sometimes the differences between his body and her own come into stark focus, like when her finger can so easily trace across the outlines of bones, and when her calves, muscles built by a lifetime running, brush against his legs.
They're idle movements, all she knows how to offer in this moment. She can read those kisses, the lack of desire in them, like they're just habits Shin takes comfort in.
Like she could be anyone and it'd all be the same to him. And she is, at least, used to that, even if the method of delivering that message is tamer. Gentler. Sweeter. )
(she's wrong. that's not how shin finds comfort, it's through words, it's through assurance of acceptance, which he has already gotten either way. this is a way to show gratitude, to give some of his own comfort back to her, someone who seems to understand him, and yet has to go through everything again when he's around and opens his mouth.
it's thank you, in the best way he can offer. his hands cup her cheeks, a final acknowledgment for what she's done in the form of a kiss on her forehead before he looks down, two of his thighs don't make one of her and he laughs.)
I'm tired just thinking about it, Katie... You must be a superhero.
(not that he intends to make her feel good about it, but alas, powers do what they do. his fingers become a little man walking across her thigh, no strength or pressure whatsoever on her muscle.)
( The warm fuzzies are definitely there, brightening up her expression even as Kate exhales and rolls her eyes, but that question is it's own kind of damp on them.
Not that Shin could have known that. )
... I'm going to th' army.
( It's not what she wants to do, but it's what reality is. The road to what she wants is something she backed out of years ago. )
... There are plenty of things you can do to get money, you don't have to put your life at risk.
(oh, man. oh, no. he doesn't know what her contract is about, but he prays that it's something that will make this disappear from her head. his arms now loosely wrap around her, his face hidden on her neck.
he doesn't mean that she should do it like he did, but fuck, it feels so perilous to just sign for something that would send you to war itself.)
( it should. That's the logic behind it, anyway. But Kate knows even reversing what happened to her parents isn't a guarantee something won't change in the future.
Maybe she'll always be doomed to take this path. But at the end of the day, if that's the path she has to take to make sure her brother is provided for, she'll do it.
She'll do worse. )
I--
( His face buries in her neck and the words die there.
It's fine. I don't matter.
Instead, her lips brush his hairline, kiss powerless and chaste, and she exhales. )
(it's a plead, as much as it sounds dry like an order. he might not be the best person to hear this, because it's too similar to how he feels about himself. yet, he knows parts of kate he's convinced no one else does, or perhaps even she doesn't see. he sees wonderful, passionate, caring. things that matter.)
( It's ben a long night and it's only getting longer. Something in the air, or the shadows, or the fact that they seem to carry so many similar scars, means that Shin's request is answered with exhaustion
and crumbling.
Kate leans forward into Shin, her arms wrapping around his back and pulling him in close, because she's fucking exhausted and she has been for a long time. Holding herself together, taut and stoic for the sake of the little family she has left, from the moment the police explained that her parents were gone until now, here in hell on a fucking wing and a prayer that she can bring them back... )
This is all I can do. ... It's the only way to help my brother.
( She's not smart. She barely scraped an acceptable amount of exams in the first place. The only way she has left, the only hope of making a difference to her brother's life, is the army or hell. )
(she has someone who depends on her. that's something shin doesn't truly understand, not to the same level. blast can always find another bassist - other than that, no one really needs him to survive, he's always just had himself.
still, it feels like a rushed decision, one sprouted from despair rather than rationality, and that one he can understand. as she speaks, lips kiss wherever they can find, and once she's done, he pulls back to look at her.)
It's not, though. Can we... Can we think of options together? You don't need to throw your life away. I'm sure that your brother would rather you breathing and money in his pocket rather than the latter.
( The kisses catch her off guard enough that the heat prickling at her eyes dissipates before tears spill, though god only knows why she's still surprised by this point.
Maybe something in her expects the abandonment. Expects her emotions to blow up in her face, not have solutions requested. )
... Can we talk about this later?
( A little deception of a request, because she never intends to talk about it again. But one thats followed up with her lips finding his, magic flowing through her in hope of providing a sensory distraction. )
(kate, you're preaching to the choir. he knows exactly what she's doing, distraction over facing things, and he also knows she won't talk if he doesn't press - and the worst part is, he doesn't intend to. old habits die hard, and if he's needed to make her forget her sorrows, then it may so be. if she wants to get it out of her head, he'll give her a good reason to. this is, after all, what he's good at.
the kiss is calculated in every way. gentle enough not to trigger, but in no way passive or uninterested as his tongue goes to meet hers, hands moving to her hips to bring them close to his own.)
( Desire isn't what drives this, unless you count the desire to finally stop talking about uncomfortable subjects, and as Shin's tongue finds hers - every move so perfectly placed, her mind all too aware of why he moves this way - Kate knows that this is why she was called to hell.
Because she doesn't feel guilty about this, even though she should. Even though it's an asshole move to distract him from this whole conversation this way and he probably knows exactly what she's doing with this kiss, she doesn't feel guilty.
Everyone has to protect themselves in some way. And while lies work for the majority of people she's met so far, Shin's seen too many exposed nerves to fob off with a waved hand and an I'm fine.
But sex distracts well. And, when it's with him at least, is pleasurable enough that she doesn't mind melting into his touch. Her hands are swift in coming into play, finding the fabric of his top and pulling it up, nails grazing lightly across the expanse of his back she exposes. Her tongue teases his lip, piercing rolling against plush skin before she pulls away to find his jawline. )
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cw: slutshaming
Knowing why she can see those powers he sparks to life, memories and feelings flickering between the two of them which she only half watches. More than anything, her eyes follow Shin. His reactions. Every twitch of expression, the lighting and dimming of his powers.
And then there's that comment, and Kate deflates. Because, oh man. They've had so much come up about their fucked up sex lives (she won't call it love, because that's never what it was for her) that they haven't even touched that part of the mess. Its own can of worms. But those friends never talked about anything close to this. It was never anything but the drinks, the drugs. The idle chatter and gossip about school things that never really let them know each other.
And then she betrayed all of them, or so their side of the argument went. Why'd you stop hanging out with us? Is the whore too good for us? Slag. Those words still come up, were whispered in the blood rain, pulling her back to fights in the hall and teachers shouting after her as she leaves the building.
She draws in a breath, and lets them fade into the same meaningless din they were back in the rain, before reaching out and...
Lightly slapping Shin's shoulder. )
What were it you said earlier? You chose t' do shit?
( The actual quotes don't work well in this context, but the sentiment does. )
I'm choosin' to do this.
( Maybe it's a particularly intense show of faith, given how short a time they've known each other, but it doesn't feel wrong. She's stupid, but she doesn't think she's being stupid here.
Besides, if she is, what's one more heartbreak? One more thing lost in her life? )
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he elected all of these, even if some of them were atrocious choices, it's not like he can just go back and re-do them, and he wouldn't. he shouldn't even dream to take katherine's choice from her, but then again - at least now she knows the level of fuck-up he is.
and it will die with her for the time being.)
... If you're sure, Katie.
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( A simple, and true, statement. It could have been so easy to tell him to just go, to board up the pieces of her heart peeking through the wall and simply pretend they never so much as spoke.
Sue her, she actually enjoys spending time with his cute ass.
But this night has been a long one, and as much as Kate does enjoy the fresh air and the world above the city, something has broken in the air like heat giving way to summer rains and shelter seems a better option. )
'M goin' back. ( A shrug as she steps past him, heading to the door. ) Y'can crash if you want.
( Or stay up here, or head home. She's made her choice here, and now Shin can make his. )
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(he needs some time to think, so he doesn't follow her. his fingers scroll through his contacts on his phone, but there's really no one else he can go for comfort other than kate herself. strange, isn't it? to be free and not have his person to call when he wants to hear gentle words, even if they're unrelated.
eventually, he makes his way to her place. he's silent as he strips his leather jacket, his belts, his choker, bracelets, the chain that connects his lip to his ear... it'll take a while, here.)
Hey.
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And the door clicks open. Her gaze slips over, watching from her perch on the counter as Shin starts doing away with a billion and five layers. )
...Hey.
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a kiss to her temple, wordless gratitude as he snakes an arm around her to bring her close.)
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His arm finds her waist as his lips find the side of her head, and this time there's only a momentary pause before she sinks in towards him, one hand coming to rest on his shoulder while the other offers the flask. )
Water?
( To be fair, there's alcohol in the fridge too, but sometimes actual hydration can be nice. )
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(sorry, his skinny ass is difficult, but he likes that she's found a little nest on him, a hand coming to gently run on the strands of hair, another kiss pressed to the top of her head.)
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There's beer in the fridge.
( With how she's sitting on the edge of the counter, her legs dangle either side of his, calves brushing against him as they swing idly, fingertip tracing across the curve of his shoulder, aimlessly following lines of bone.
It's strange, to touch someone purely for the sake of touching them, she thinks. There's no real intention behind her actions but the fact that Shin seems to enjoy the affection, and it's better than getting into another argument. )
cw eating... issues
(her mission is facilitated by the fact that there's no meat in his bones, not really. as she spends more time with him, she'll see that meals, like they had today, are rare, almost treats while he attempts his very best to not grow.
she might notice his kisses lack a hunger, they're solely affection rather than lust, his fingernails scratching her scalp in random motions.)
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They're idle movements, all she knows how to offer in this moment. She can read those kisses, the lack of desire in them, like they're just habits Shin takes comfort in.
Like she could be anyone and it'd all be the same to him. And she is, at least, used to that, even if the method of delivering that message is tamer. Gentler. Sweeter. )
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it's thank you, in the best way he can offer. his hands cup her cheeks, a final acknowledgment for what she's done in the form of a kiss on her forehead before he looks down, two of his thighs don't make one of her and he laughs.)
How long do you train a day?
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Uh. ( hm. Trying to do some maths... but really ) Depends on the day, here.
( Jigokucho makes her schedule more varied than it was at home. ) Try to find at least one route a day.
( Weather permitting, generally. ) Otherwise, I'll go to the gym or summat.
( She knows several people who are equally as likely to be working out at any given time, luckily??? )
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(not that he intends to make her feel good about it, but alas, powers do what they do. his fingers become a little man walking across her thigh, no strength or pressure whatsoever on her muscle.)
... What do you wanna do, by the way?
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Not that Shin could have known that. )
... I'm going to th' army.
( It's not what she wants to do, but it's what reality is. The road to what she wants is something she backed out of years ago. )
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... that's where people can die, katie.)
... But it's dangerous.
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Aye. ( No shit. She knew that from the second she signed up. ) And I need the money.
( Well, her brother will. And it's her job to make sure he has it. )
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(oh, man. oh, no. he doesn't know what her contract is about, but he prays that it's something that will make this disappear from her head. his arms now loosely wrap around her, his face hidden on her neck.
he doesn't mean that she should do it like he did, but fuck, it feels so perilous to just sign for something that would send you to war itself.)
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Maybe she'll always be doomed to take this path. But at the end of the day, if that's the path she has to take to make sure her brother is provided for, she'll do it.
She'll do worse. )
I--
( His face buries in her neck and the words die there.
It's fine. I don't matter.
Instead, her lips brush his hairline, kiss powerless and chaste, and she exhales. )
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(it's a plead, as much as it sounds dry like an order. he might not be the best person to hear this, because it's too similar to how he feels about himself. yet, he knows parts of kate he's convinced no one else does, or perhaps even she doesn't see. he sees wonderful, passionate, caring. things that matter.)
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and crumbling.
Kate leans forward into Shin, her arms wrapping around his back and pulling him in close, because she's fucking exhausted and she has been for a long time. Holding herself together, taut and stoic for the sake of the little family she has left, from the moment the police explained that her parents were gone until now, here in hell on a fucking wing and a prayer that she can bring them back... )
This is all I can do. ... It's the only way to help my brother.
( She's not smart. She barely scraped an acceptable amount of exams in the first place. The only way she has left, the only hope of making a difference to her brother's life, is the army or hell. )
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(she has someone who depends on her. that's something shin doesn't truly understand, not to the same level. blast can always find another bassist - other than that, no one really needs him to survive, he's always just had himself.
still, it feels like a rushed decision, one sprouted from despair rather than rationality, and that one he can understand. as she speaks, lips kiss wherever they can find, and once she's done, he pulls back to look at her.)
It's not, though. Can we... Can we think of options together? You don't need to throw your life away. I'm sure that your brother would rather you breathing and money in his pocket rather than the latter.
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Maybe something in her expects the abandonment. Expects her emotions to blow up in her face, not have solutions requested. )
... Can we talk about this later?
( A little deception of a request, because she never intends to talk about it again. But one thats followed up with her lips finding his, magic flowing through her in hope of providing a sensory distraction. )
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the kiss is calculated in every way. gentle enough not to trigger, but in no way passive or uninterested as his tongue goes to meet hers, hands moving to her hips to bring them close to his own.)
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Because she doesn't feel guilty about this, even though she should. Even though it's an asshole move to distract him from this whole conversation this way and he probably knows exactly what she's doing with this kiss, she doesn't feel guilty.
Everyone has to protect themselves in some way. And while lies work for the majority of people she's met so far, Shin's seen too many exposed nerves to fob off with a waved hand and an I'm fine.
But sex distracts well. And, when it's with him at least, is pleasurable enough that she doesn't mind melting into his touch. Her hands are swift in coming into play, finding the fabric of his top and pulling it up, nails grazing lightly across the expanse of his back she exposes. Her tongue teases his lip, piercing rolling against plush skin before she pulls away to find his jawline. )
What do you want to do?
( Distractions, distractions. )
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cw they be fucking
They got there eventually
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catch me deadeyeing work and deciding to write blowjobs instead
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