It's not fun if you're not into it, is it? I used to sleep with this housewife, Keiko. She paid extremely well, but oof. I'm not into being teased for hours to no avail.
( She pushes the remaining salad around in its bowl, shrugging a single shoulder. Teasing may sound like fun, within reason, but not if no one gets anything out of it at the end. )
( It isn't much of a relief to avoid the backstory, not when she has to think of the other memories which make her skin crawl. )
Anythin' being forced in my mouth.
( Giving oral, on her own terms, isn't as bad as she thought it would be, but surely Shin has noticed by now that she doesn't want him to move during it.
And with that, Kate figures out the thing it all boils down to, and finds the strength to say it. )
I just... wanna be treated like a person. Not a doll.
(he was away from her not to engulf her into cherry nicotine while she eats, but this conversation finally makes him come closer, taking her hands into his. each knuckle gets a kiss.)
I'm never going to treat you like that. It's me, after all. You're the first person I've ever slept with that has never bought me, you know.
( ...Oh. He loosens her hands from her hoodie and he's always so fucking gentle that Kate doesn't think she has to worry about those boundaries being broken.
(sad as it is, it's not uncommon. men suck, and he sighs an apology - not that he can ever make up for that, but alas. she'll get a bite to a finger, teeth barely asserting pressure, just to see if he can get a smile out of her from the quirkiness alone.)
And I intend to keep at it. I'm sorry it's been... Bad, before. When we started, I felt so much hesitance but also so much desire, that it made me want to show you how it can be a good thing. I wanted you to get treated like you deserve. That's why I wanted to ask about what you like, and what your boundaries are, so I don't make you feel anything but as incredible, you know?
( There's a slim chance, even now, which Kate still keeps in mind - that all this seeming sincerity could be an excellent act. But with every passing declaration and day, that chance grows slimmer.
And yes, that nip of her finger is just weird enough to make her lips quirk upwards, brief as the expression is, before her hand reaches out and brushes Shin's cheek. )
It's stupid to apologise for summat you didn't do.
( When they first met, he was cute. And fun. And she'd expected that to be it.
But he's so much more, and that thought pushes away that last little sliver of doubt that this all some elaborate act. What is there to be gained by such a thing, after all?
Kate leans forward, presses a brief kiss to Shin's forehead, and exhales lightly against his skin. It's a weight from her shoulders to admit those wounds, even in these half-cloaked terms. )
... Do you want to know the story?
( She's not sure she's fully ready to say it, but he at least deserves the offer nonetheless. )
(it makes him beam to see that little smile, the feeling of fulfilling a mission making him warm inside. he leans against the hand, lets his forehead touch hers once the kiss is pressed. his hands only leave hers to cup her cheeks, caressing the skin with rough fingers before his lips find hers.)
Only if that's something you'd like to talk about. I wouldn't be happy if you do it for me, rather than for you.
( And while something has loosened in her chest, the weight of those confessions gone, diving into the rest of that box... is she ready for that? To speak a story into the air even her brother doesn't know the details of?
Most of her thinks it's insane to even consider. The rest screams to let it out, to ride the wave while it's here.
To feel the weightlessness of finally putting words to everything that makes her this way. )
Ah... ( She could drink, get buzzed enough to let things spill out without taking the time to think about it, but Shin deserves better than that. )
...A few years ago, someone created these pills. They give people powers.
( If she does explain it, all of it, he needs this backstory. )
Were meant for governments. Armies. Shit like that. ... but gangs figured out how to make rip-off versions.
( Pausing, Kate draws in a shaky breath, tries to steady the uptick of her heart beating in her chest. )
(there isn't much he can do other than to be a supporting figure, pressing caresses and kisses whenever he hears her breath hitch, holding her hand through it. he wouldn't find it an issue if she did drink, but it might diminish the importance of this moment for her.
I used to fuck around with this bloke. He'd get us booze, weed... shit like that.
( harder stuff for her friends. That's not really relevant, however, not in the big scheme of things.
She doesnt think she needs to mention that he was a complete bastard, does she? That guys in their twenties who get shit for teenagers in exchange for sex aren't exactly good people. )
... one day, he picked me up from school. ( And here her whole voice trembles, flashes of being stuck in detention sending text messages under the table, the normalcy (as fucked up as it was then) of everything leading up to that moment. )
... he had two of them. Wanted me to try one in case it were a scam or summat.
I said no.
( The shakes bloom out from her voice and breath to her while body, and Kate screws her eyes shut against the forces trying to silence the flow of words, ad though that has done anything to stop the memories before. )
So... he pinned me down. Forced it into my mouth.
That's... why I can see the powers Tenkohime gave you.
(he can't physically pull her to his lap, so he just taps it, an invitation for her to move so he can embrace her, provide her further comfort if it is needed. quietly, he nods, anger bubbling in the pit of his stomach. this is worse than he had imagined, she had been drugged against her will, and from someone she was close to. betrayal at it's worse, and violent on top of that.
his arms wrap around her, he doesn't know what to say for once. instead, he'll caress what he can, pressing kisses to where he reaches.)
( She pulls back from the embrace at his words, irritation flaring. )
I didn't tell you to get pity.
( She's had more than enough of that in her life already. She doesn't want it from Shin, too. He was right, after all: it was her choice to accept Graeme's offer in the first place. She could have made other ones.
Better ones. Ones which didn't put her in that position in the first place. )
Just... I thought you deserved to know.
( Because he matters to her, because she needed someone to hear her side of the story, finally. )
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cw allusions to abuse
Maybe it was never intentional, never really hurting her, but the sore spots remain. )
Why's that?
( Another brick she can put between herself and the answer to that question. Unfair? Maybe. Cowardly? Definitely.
But she doesn't want to talk about it. )
cw sex work
It's not fun if you're not into it, is it? I used to sleep with this housewife, Keiko. She paid extremely well, but oof. I'm not into being teased for hours to no avail.
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( She pushes the remaining salad around in its bowl, shrugging a single shoulder. Teasing may sound like fun, within reason, but not if no one gets anything out of it at the end. )
Like it better when you have fun anyway.
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(who's evading now?)
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( Today in healthy coping habits: prodding Shin to keep talking so she doesnt have to! )
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( Because sometimes she worries if she's really good enough ro be worth his time. )
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(that does not work with shin, kate.)
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'Cause you got all cagey?
( Pot. Kettle. )
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( :) )
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Nothin' interesting to say.
( Today in bald faced lies. )
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(he's not stupid, kate. he fucks you the entire week long - there's enough unspoken boundaries to fill the room.)
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( She's still, unnervingly so, tongue caught between teeth, stopping whatever she wanted to say.
I'm not avoiding anything is a lie, and they both know it. )
... I don't like being pinned.
( She ducks her head, the next words quieter than the first; )
Need to feel like I can get out.
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... Noted. What else...?
(asking why feels too aggressive. he's already invading plenty.)
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Anythin' being forced in my mouth.
( Giving oral, on her own terms, isn't as bad as she thought it would be, but surely Shin has noticed by now that she doesn't want him to move during it.
And with that, Kate figures out the thing it all boils down to, and finds the strength to say it. )
I just... wanna be treated like a person. Not a doll.
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I'm never going to treat you like that. It's me, after all. You're the first person I've ever slept with that has never bought me, you know.
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He even gets a huff of something at the kisses. )
...You're the first person to make me cum.
( a considering pause. )
... Besides me.
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And I intend to keep at it. I'm sorry it's been... Bad, before. When we started, I felt so much hesitance but also so much desire, that it made me want to show you how it can be a good thing. I wanted you to get treated like you deserve. That's why I wanted to ask about what you like, and what your boundaries are, so I don't make you feel anything but as incredible, you know?
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And yes, that nip of her finger is just weird enough to make her lips quirk upwards, brief as the expression is, before her hand reaches out and brushes Shin's cheek. )
It's stupid to apologise for summat you didn't do.
( When they first met, he was cute. And fun. And she'd expected that to be it.
But he's so much more, and that thought pushes away that last little sliver of doubt that this all some elaborate act. What is there to be gained by such a thing, after all?
Kate leans forward, presses a brief kiss to Shin's forehead, and exhales lightly against his skin. It's a weight from her shoulders to admit those wounds, even in these half-cloaked terms. )
... Do you want to know the story?
( She's not sure she's fully ready to say it, but he at least deserves the offer nonetheless. )
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Only if that's something you'd like to talk about. I wouldn't be happy if you do it for me, rather than for you.
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( And while something has loosened in her chest, the weight of those confessions gone, diving into the rest of that box... is she ready for that? To speak a story into the air even her brother doesn't know the details of?
Most of her thinks it's insane to even consider. The rest screams to let it out, to ride the wave while it's here.
To feel the weightlessness of finally putting words to everything that makes her this way. )
Ah... ( She could drink, get buzzed enough to let things spill out without taking the time to think about it, but Shin deserves better than that. )
...A few years ago, someone created these pills. They give people powers.
( If she does explain it, all of it, he needs this backstory. )
Were meant for governments. Armies. Shit like that. ... but gangs figured out how to make rip-off versions.
( Pausing, Kate draws in a shaky breath, tries to steady the uptick of her heart beating in her chest. )
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so, patiently, he nods. he's got you.)
cw grooming, drugs/alcohol, assault
I used to fuck around with this bloke. He'd get us booze, weed... shit like that.
( harder stuff for her friends. That's not really relevant, however, not in the big scheme of things.
She doesnt think she needs to mention that he was a complete bastard, does she? That guys in their twenties who get shit for teenagers in exchange for sex aren't exactly good people. )
... one day, he picked me up from school. ( And here her whole voice trembles, flashes of being stuck in detention sending text messages under the table, the normalcy (as fucked up as it was then) of everything leading up to that moment. )
... he had two of them. Wanted me to try one in case it were a scam or summat.
I said no.
( The shakes bloom out from her voice and breath to her while body, and Kate screws her eyes shut against the forces trying to silence the flow of words, ad though that has done anything to stop the memories before. )
So... he pinned me down. Forced it into my mouth.
That's... why I can see the powers Tenkohime gave you.
( because that's what's relevant here. )
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his arms wrap around her, he doesn't know what to say for once. instead, he'll caress what he can, pressing kisses to where he reaches.)
I'm sorry, Kate.
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( She pulls back from the embrace at his words, irritation flaring. )
I didn't tell you to get pity.
( She's had more than enough of that in her life already. She doesn't want it from Shin, too. He was right, after all: it was her choice to accept Graeme's offer in the first place. She could have made other ones.
Better ones. Ones which didn't put her in that position in the first place. )
Just... I thought you deserved to know.
( Because he matters to her, because she needed someone to hear her side of the story, finally. )
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cw grooming and starvation also HELLA STOCKHOLM SYNDROME
Laughs nervously
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cw drugs prostitution grooming etc this is very problematic
Why can't they just be cute...
Re: Why can't they just be cute...
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