(sad as it is, it's not uncommon. men suck, and he sighs an apology - not that he can ever make up for that, but alas. she'll get a bite to a finger, teeth barely asserting pressure, just to see if he can get a smile out of her from the quirkiness alone.)
And I intend to keep at it. I'm sorry it's been... Bad, before. When we started, I felt so much hesitance but also so much desire, that it made me want to show you how it can be a good thing. I wanted you to get treated like you deserve. That's why I wanted to ask about what you like, and what your boundaries are, so I don't make you feel anything but as incredible, you know?
( There's a slim chance, even now, which Kate still keeps in mind - that all this seeming sincerity could be an excellent act. But with every passing declaration and day, that chance grows slimmer.
And yes, that nip of her finger is just weird enough to make her lips quirk upwards, brief as the expression is, before her hand reaches out and brushes Shin's cheek. )
It's stupid to apologise for summat you didn't do.
( When they first met, he was cute. And fun. And she'd expected that to be it.
But he's so much more, and that thought pushes away that last little sliver of doubt that this all some elaborate act. What is there to be gained by such a thing, after all?
Kate leans forward, presses a brief kiss to Shin's forehead, and exhales lightly against his skin. It's a weight from her shoulders to admit those wounds, even in these half-cloaked terms. )
... Do you want to know the story?
( She's not sure she's fully ready to say it, but he at least deserves the offer nonetheless. )
(it makes him beam to see that little smile, the feeling of fulfilling a mission making him warm inside. he leans against the hand, lets his forehead touch hers once the kiss is pressed. his hands only leave hers to cup her cheeks, caressing the skin with rough fingers before his lips find hers.)
Only if that's something you'd like to talk about. I wouldn't be happy if you do it for me, rather than for you.
( And while something has loosened in her chest, the weight of those confessions gone, diving into the rest of that box... is she ready for that? To speak a story into the air even her brother doesn't know the details of?
Most of her thinks it's insane to even consider. The rest screams to let it out, to ride the wave while it's here.
To feel the weightlessness of finally putting words to everything that makes her this way. )
Ah... ( She could drink, get buzzed enough to let things spill out without taking the time to think about it, but Shin deserves better than that. )
...A few years ago, someone created these pills. They give people powers.
( If she does explain it, all of it, he needs this backstory. )
Were meant for governments. Armies. Shit like that. ... but gangs figured out how to make rip-off versions.
( Pausing, Kate draws in a shaky breath, tries to steady the uptick of her heart beating in her chest. )
(there isn't much he can do other than to be a supporting figure, pressing caresses and kisses whenever he hears her breath hitch, holding her hand through it. he wouldn't find it an issue if she did drink, but it might diminish the importance of this moment for her.
I used to fuck around with this bloke. He'd get us booze, weed... shit like that.
( harder stuff for her friends. That's not really relevant, however, not in the big scheme of things.
She doesnt think she needs to mention that he was a complete bastard, does she? That guys in their twenties who get shit for teenagers in exchange for sex aren't exactly good people. )
... one day, he picked me up from school. ( And here her whole voice trembles, flashes of being stuck in detention sending text messages under the table, the normalcy (as fucked up as it was then) of everything leading up to that moment. )
... he had two of them. Wanted me to try one in case it were a scam or summat.
I said no.
( The shakes bloom out from her voice and breath to her while body, and Kate screws her eyes shut against the forces trying to silence the flow of words, ad though that has done anything to stop the memories before. )
So... he pinned me down. Forced it into my mouth.
That's... why I can see the powers Tenkohime gave you.
(he can't physically pull her to his lap, so he just taps it, an invitation for her to move so he can embrace her, provide her further comfort if it is needed. quietly, he nods, anger bubbling in the pit of his stomach. this is worse than he had imagined, she had been drugged against her will, and from someone she was close to. betrayal at it's worse, and violent on top of that.
his arms wrap around her, he doesn't know what to say for once. instead, he'll caress what he can, pressing kisses to where he reaches.)
( She pulls back from the embrace at his words, irritation flaring. )
I didn't tell you to get pity.
( She's had more than enough of that in her life already. She doesn't want it from Shin, too. He was right, after all: it was her choice to accept Graeme's offer in the first place. She could have made other ones.
Better ones. Ones which didn't put her in that position in the first place. )
Just... I thought you deserved to know.
( Because he matters to her, because she needed someone to hear her side of the story, finally. )
... I'm trying not to grow or change my body. I can't work out with you.
(ah, she's going to hate this.)
You know I'm Swedish, right... Well, I don't know why my father is. I'm blonde, so I think he must be Swedish too... Ryoko said I'll be too tall, and it'll scare her, and I won't-- be lovely or pretty anymore. She won't love me if I change, you know.
( Yeah. She'd go so far as to say hate is an understatement. Burning anger and impotent frustration - she hasn't missed how little he eats, or how slight he is, but she's never really pushed him on it. Simply offered food, joked about workouts and left it at that.
God, can't she just go to Shin's world and punch Ryoko? That sounds like a good time for Kate. )
You have to eat properly or there won't be anythin' of you to love.
( And that would make the world so much poorer a place. )
(and albeit she feels these things, there's nothing she can do to convince shin to be otherwise. ryoko is terrible - he's not blind. she also loved him when until then, no one else had ever had. he doesn't want to lose it.)
I eat enough. I'll keep this up until there's no possibility of me getting a growth spurt, and then everything's fair game.
( She can't force food down his throat, no matter how tempting it sometimes seems to be. )
... Wish you didn't feel like you had to.
( She wishes she had a way to make him shake off that influence, but that seems about as likely to happen as them finding a way to get rid of her nightmares. )
(she's never going to get it. she explained her piece, as hard as it was, so he holds himself from the temptation of running from doing the same.)
I know what she is, Kate. I'm not stupid. She's the reason why I drink so well, started smoking, why I fuck so well since I was younger and why I knew what cocaine felt like even before I got to this place. She is also the reason I speak Japanese and I can read it, and why I didn't become homeless and starved to death. I'm not forsaking her.
( It's easier to see just how messed up something is when you're not involved in it. Kate learned that after she got her power, after she dumped her phone in the canal and cut herself off from that particular series of mistakes.
It holds true here, as well. The thought that he doesn't owe Ryoko all of this just because she helped him rings clear as day when she's not the one in that position.
But when you're there... how many arguments did she have with Marc about her choices with Graeme? (She owes him an apology for that, but isn't that what her contract is?) )
Never said y'were. ( stupid, that is.
She just... worries. Worries that he goes under the radar because he puts the attention on others. ) ... I want t' try and help you. If you ever want it.
Help me how? Are you going to stomp on my shoulders so I don't become a beanpole?
(not humor, he just doesn't know what she means by helping him. shin's fine. he's not perfect, not by a long shot, but he doesn't know what she means. no drugs cause him addiction, he's not for sale. there's no ryoko, or reira, only the scars they've left.)
... Don't worry, Katie. You take care of me enough.
(she doesn't have to worry. she loves him, and he feels it with each and every word, each and every caress. he feels it most at night, when she finds a position against him and snuggles just the tiniest bit, sighing before she is lulled to sleep.)
I'm difficult, but all in all, I'm fine. I notice the things you do for me, and I appreciate it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2022-08-22 09:40 pm (UTC)And I intend to keep at it. I'm sorry it's been... Bad, before. When we started, I felt so much hesitance but also so much desire, that it made me want to show you how it can be a good thing. I wanted you to get treated like you deserve. That's why I wanted to ask about what you like, and what your boundaries are, so I don't make you feel anything but as incredible, you know?
no subject
Date: 2022-08-22 10:05 pm (UTC)And yes, that nip of her finger is just weird enough to make her lips quirk upwards, brief as the expression is, before her hand reaches out and brushes Shin's cheek. )
It's stupid to apologise for summat you didn't do.
( When they first met, he was cute. And fun. And she'd expected that to be it.
But he's so much more, and that thought pushes away that last little sliver of doubt that this all some elaborate act. What is there to be gained by such a thing, after all?
Kate leans forward, presses a brief kiss to Shin's forehead, and exhales lightly against his skin. It's a weight from her shoulders to admit those wounds, even in these half-cloaked terms. )
... Do you want to know the story?
( She's not sure she's fully ready to say it, but he at least deserves the offer nonetheless. )
no subject
Date: 2022-08-22 10:10 pm (UTC)Only if that's something you'd like to talk about. I wouldn't be happy if you do it for me, rather than for you.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-22 10:42 pm (UTC)( And while something has loosened in her chest, the weight of those confessions gone, diving into the rest of that box... is she ready for that? To speak a story into the air even her brother doesn't know the details of?
Most of her thinks it's insane to even consider. The rest screams to let it out, to ride the wave while it's here.
To feel the weightlessness of finally putting words to everything that makes her this way. )
Ah... ( She could drink, get buzzed enough to let things spill out without taking the time to think about it, but Shin deserves better than that. )
...A few years ago, someone created these pills. They give people powers.
( If she does explain it, all of it, he needs this backstory. )
Were meant for governments. Armies. Shit like that. ... but gangs figured out how to make rip-off versions.
( Pausing, Kate draws in a shaky breath, tries to steady the uptick of her heart beating in her chest. )
no subject
Date: 2022-08-22 10:47 pm (UTC)so, patiently, he nods. he's got you.)
cw grooming, drugs/alcohol, assault
Date: 2022-08-22 11:11 pm (UTC)I used to fuck around with this bloke. He'd get us booze, weed... shit like that.
( harder stuff for her friends. That's not really relevant, however, not in the big scheme of things.
She doesnt think she needs to mention that he was a complete bastard, does she? That guys in their twenties who get shit for teenagers in exchange for sex aren't exactly good people. )
... one day, he picked me up from school. ( And here her whole voice trembles, flashes of being stuck in detention sending text messages under the table, the normalcy (as fucked up as it was then) of everything leading up to that moment. )
... he had two of them. Wanted me to try one in case it were a scam or summat.
I said no.
( The shakes bloom out from her voice and breath to her while body, and Kate screws her eyes shut against the forces trying to silence the flow of words, ad though that has done anything to stop the memories before. )
So... he pinned me down. Forced it into my mouth.
That's... why I can see the powers Tenkohime gave you.
( because that's what's relevant here. )
no subject
Date: 2022-08-23 06:10 pm (UTC)his arms wrap around her, he doesn't know what to say for once. instead, he'll caress what he can, pressing kisses to where he reaches.)
I'm sorry, Kate.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-23 07:59 pm (UTC)( She pulls back from the embrace at his words, irritation flaring. )
I didn't tell you to get pity.
( She's had more than enough of that in her life already. She doesn't want it from Shin, too. He was right, after all: it was her choice to accept Graeme's offer in the first place. She could have made other ones.
Better ones. Ones which didn't put her in that position in the first place. )
Just... I thought you deserved to know.
( Because he matters to her, because she needed someone to hear her side of the story, finally. )
no subject
Date: 2022-08-23 08:02 pm (UTC)(she's so incredibly obtuse sometimes, and it makes him sigh a little, even if she is hissing like that.)
I don't need to feel pity to understand that this sucks.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-23 08:33 pm (UTC)It's worse when it's something good like this, where the thought of losing this friendship makes her chest ache.
But all Kate does is snort. )
... It does.
( But if she gets her contract fulfilled, she won't have to be haunted by any of that any more.
That version of herself would never make those choices, right? )
no subject
Date: 2022-08-23 08:40 pm (UTC)(he can't protect her, but he can give her that. any possibility to lessen her worries, to give her comfort, safety in her own skin, he'll provide.
and then, he laughs.)
So, a former teen prostitute turned rockstar and a war weapon living together. Tell me you wouldn't watch that sitcom.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-23 08:45 pm (UTC)Don't think seeing other powers qualifies me as a weapon.
( what does she have to do to get Tenkohime to give her an active power. )
no subject
Date: 2022-08-23 08:50 pm (UTC)(oh, his power is fully turned on. feel good, Katherine!!!!!)
no subject
Date: 2022-08-23 08:54 pm (UTC)Think that's why boss lady picked me?
no subject
Date: 2022-08-23 08:56 pm (UTC)Who knows? Use your powers for good, Katie. Don't go giving men heart attacks, we're terribly fragile.
(masculinity who)
no subject
Date: 2022-08-23 09:02 pm (UTC)Wouldn't be if you worked out with me.
( Walked into that one. )
cw grooming and starvation also HELLA STOCKHOLM SYNDROME
Date: 2022-08-23 09:07 pm (UTC)(ah, she's going to hate this.)
You know I'm Swedish, right... Well, I don't know why my father is. I'm blonde, so I think he must be Swedish too... Ryoko said I'll be too tall, and it'll scare her, and I won't-- be lovely or pretty anymore. She won't love me if I change, you know.
... I would rather stay like this.
Laughs nervously
Date: 2022-08-23 09:53 pm (UTC)( Yeah. She'd go so far as to say hate is an understatement. Burning anger and impotent frustration - she hasn't missed how little he eats, or how slight he is, but she's never really pushed him on it. Simply offered food, joked about workouts and left it at that.
God, can't she just go to Shin's world and punch Ryoko? That sounds like a good time for Kate. )
You have to eat properly or there won't be anythin' of you to love.
( And that would make the world so much poorer a place. )
no subject
Date: 2022-08-23 09:56 pm (UTC)I eat enough. I'll keep this up until there's no possibility of me getting a growth spurt, and then everything's fair game.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-23 10:09 pm (UTC)... Wish you didn't feel like you had to.
( She wishes she had a way to make him shake off that influence, but that seems about as likely to happen as them finding a way to get rid of her nightmares. )
cw drugs prostitution grooming etc this is very problematic
Date: 2022-08-23 10:25 pm (UTC)(she's never going to get it. she explained her piece, as hard as it was, so he holds himself from the temptation of running from doing the same.)
I know what she is, Kate. I'm not stupid. She's the reason why I drink so well, started smoking, why I fuck so well since I was younger and why I knew what cocaine felt like even before I got to this place. She is also the reason I speak Japanese and I can read it, and why I didn't become homeless and starved to death. I'm not forsaking her.
Why can't they just be cute...
Date: 2022-08-23 10:49 pm (UTC)It holds true here, as well. The thought that he doesn't owe Ryoko all of this just because she helped him rings clear as day when she's not the one in that position.
But when you're there... how many arguments did she have with Marc about her choices with Graeme? (She owes him an apology for that, but isn't that what her contract is?) )
Never said y'were. ( stupid, that is.
She just... worries. Worries that he goes under the radar because he puts the attention on others. ) ... I want t' try and help you. If you ever want it.
Re: Why can't they just be cute...
Date: 2022-08-23 10:57 pm (UTC)(not humor, he just doesn't know what she means by helping him. shin's fine. he's not perfect, not by a long shot, but he doesn't know what she means. no drugs cause him addiction, he's not for sale. there's no ryoko, or reira, only the scars they've left.)
no subject
Date: 2022-08-23 11:15 pm (UTC)( Does she even know what she means? Not really. They're both such tangled messes of hurt and scarring that help could mean a million things.
Kate's hands reach out, threading into both of Shin's, squeezing each gently. )
I don't know. ... I think that's up to you.
( Her thumbs stroke slow circles against the backs of his hands. )
Can't promise it'll be good help. ... Unless y'need me to punch someone. But you're th' first real friend I've had in a while, so...
( God she's so bad at this. How do you say "I don't want you to feel like you're alone"? )
no subject
Date: 2022-08-23 11:28 pm (UTC)(she doesn't have to worry. she loves him, and he feels it with each and every word, each and every caress. he feels it most at night, when she finds a position against him and snuggles just the tiniest bit, sighing before she is lulled to sleep.)
I'm difficult, but all in all, I'm fine. I notice the things you do for me, and I appreciate it.
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